was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
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Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
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I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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