I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
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For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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