Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
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i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
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I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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