If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Terrible idea I love it
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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