Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
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Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
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We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
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