This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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