Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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