your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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