I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
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I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
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Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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