he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize