At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
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