rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize