I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize