So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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