so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
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