I was born with a shot glass in my hand
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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