Banned from zoo.
Again?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
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I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
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I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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