is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
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The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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