Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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