He told me they were just razor bumps!
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
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I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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