'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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