I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
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And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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