U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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