you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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