just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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