The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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