you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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