Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
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so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
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After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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