Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
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whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
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I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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