Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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