Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize