Your mouth is God's brothel.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize