I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize