Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So vagazzling was a success
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize