Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize