I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize