They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize