How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
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I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
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I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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