mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
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sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I will be naked everywhere
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One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
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