You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize