And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
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