Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize