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can we get nightvision for the apartment?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Randomize
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