Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize