on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
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while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize