she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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