i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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