tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
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It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
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Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize