you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Houston, we have a squirter
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
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And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
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That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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