Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
