I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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