That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
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we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
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Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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