Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
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As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
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My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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